Dreams

If you know me in real life, you may know that I have some crazy dreams, that are sometimes associated with sleepwalking and/or talking in my sleep. 

I often jump out of bed in the middle of a dream and do something - like lock the bedroom door or move something around in the room - and then realize in the middle of doing it that I am sleepwalking.  Sometimes I obviously DON'T wake up in the middle of doing it, because there have definitely been times where I would wake up in the morning and something would be in a place that I know FOR CERTAIN it was not in when I went to bed the night before.  Once, I even (obviously at least half-knowing what I was doing while I was doing it) walked downstairs, turned off my house alarm, opened the back door to look for something/someone, then opened the front door to continue looking for something/someone, before I finally realized I was sleepwalking.  I have been known to loudly sit up in bed and gasp loudly in fright (with my heart pounding), waking up whoever is in the room with me. 

I have had a recurring dream for about the last 10-15 years.  It always revolved around being responsible for a child (usually an infant) in some way, shape, or form; and then completely forgetting about that child for the entire day or night.  For example, I would be taking care of a baby and then realize at the end of the day that I forgot the baby was in the bedroom and that I have not fed it, changed its diaper, etc since that morning.  I would completely freak out and run to check on the child, only to discover - thankfully - that he/she was totally fine.  (I did have a version of the dream about six months ago where the child was NOT fine - at least at first - it was totally lethargic when I got in the room, but turned out fine a few minutes later.)   (Am I completely crazy for admitting this dream on a foster care blog?)

FYI: The recurring dream that I had from childhood sometime until this dream started was that I was underwater, swimming, and breathing through lungs.  I'm sure that's related to my absolute fear of dying by drowning. 

I actually have not had that recurring dream since having foster placements.  But when Evie first got placed with me, I had the crazy dreams where I would freak out about something concerning her (that I forgot about her, that I forgot to give her her medicine which then caused her to be not okay medically, etc), and then run into her room only to find her sleeping peacefully.  Part of that was probably because she was waking up pretty regularly in the middle of the night during the first couple of weeks she was here; and then when she wasn't, I began dreaming crazy stuff. 

Interestingly enough, I didn't have any of those crazy dreams concerning Tank... until last Friday night, when he had been with me for exactly three weeks.  I don't remember what it was specifically, but I got completely freaked out and ran into his room to see if he was okay; and the dream left my heart pounding.  I don't know why it took so long to have one of those dreams with Tank - maybe because I was already getting up in the middle of the night to check on him.  Maybe because it was no longer my first child I was responsible for so I felt more comfortable.  Maybe because he was settled in well so I didn't have to worry about him like I did about Evie. 

I just hope that the crazy dreams decrease with each placement.  But with my history, I'm not putting any money on it!