"You [Are/Are Not] the Father!"

Several weeks ago Elmer's caseworker (JATH) contacted me saying that there was a man who said he had had relations with Elmer's mom around the time of conception and that he may be Elmer's father.  He said that he had been in contact with Elmer's mom when Elmer was very young and had seen pictures of him then.  He said Elmer bore a striking resemblance to his family, who are all blond haired and blue-eyed.  (This put me somewhat at ease because although Elmer had had a fair complexion - and no hair so could have been any color - when he was very young, after the summer his complexion had darkened and his hair had come in a brown color.) 


So my question was: If he had known that Elmer existed since he was very young, where had this potential "father" been for the last year?!  I could almost get on board with this man taking custody of him if he was actually the father, and if he had had no clue that there was a baby until recently.  (Don't get me wrong, it would have COMPLETELY devastated me, and I would definitely have some serious grieving to do.)  But this person should have no bearing on Elmer's life at this point if he knew about Elmer and chose to ignore him for a full year. 


But he is biological family, and he does.  If this man was the dad, then that would introduce a whole different set of people as factors to Elmer's case - if he or any of his family were willing and capable/safe to care for Elmer, then DSS would move him to them without too many questions asked.  The fact that I have been caring for him for a year at this point and that I am the only home/mother he has ever known would not matter.


So Elmer had to have a DNA test to see if this person was his biological father. 


Meanwhile, I am torn up and stressed, but trying not to really think about it so that I wouldn't get too stressed.  Trying NOT to think about the "what if's". 


And then I got a text from the JATH saying


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


The man is NOT Elmer's biological father!




An instantaneous wave of relief came over me and I burst into tears.  So glad that I do not have to deal with a new set of unknowns! 


Now we still wait for the county's legal department to file for a TPR (termination of parental rights) trial with the court.  From my understanding, we have been waiting on this very thing since August. 


Patience. 


Patience.

Perdon

Pretty late in posting this, but...


We had a new friend stay with us for a couple of weeks back in late October-early November.  Her foster family was going out of the country so I provided respite for her. 


Perdon (Spanish for "excuse me," because that is how she started EVERY question... and she was very similar to Evie and asked A LOT of them) was five years old (actually just two months older than Evie - who just turned seven BTW! - was when she left here). She apparently had been moved from her first foster home to her current one due to behavioral issues, but I did not have any problems at all while she was here.  Current foster mom also said she doesn't have any issues, other than Perdon lying. 


The night before I was going to pick her up, I met up with her and her foster family to get her things, and also so that a stranger would not be picking her up from school the next day. At that point, I learned that there was a six-year old and twelve-year old who would be going to stay at a group home while the foster family was gone, since there were no other families that could provide respite.  I very strongly considered taking the six-year old as well.  I don't have space, and I knew it would be chaotic, but I hated the thought of a six-year old having to go to a group home!  However, when I asked the foster mom if she would be okay with Elmer, the mom said, "Well, you will have to watch her constantly and you will need to let him sleep in your room" because she had a history of sexual abuse and the foster mom was not sure how she would act.  That tipped the scale to the "No" side.


Perdon loved Elmer, and Elmer loved having someone to play with.  It was nice that when we walked in the door from daycare, I could get dinner ready (usually just cut up and heated up) without a baby hanging on my leg and crying, since he had someone to entertain him. 

Cutest Thing Ever

I know that Elmer is not the first baby to dance to the M. Mouse Clubhouse Hot Dog song, but he is my first to do it. 


He will stop what he is doing when the song comes on and go right over to the TV.  He bounces his body up and down.  And then stops bouncing briefly at the parts when they stop the beat for emphasis ("problem soooolved" and "off the flooooor"). 


And it is pretty much the Cutest. Thing. Ever.