First Day of Spring

I meant to post this back on the first day of spring, March 20. 

I had this conversation with Evie the week before about how we didn't know when she would be going home because the judge had to decide that (after she had gotten in her head that she was going home in spring). 

I thought that was the end of it for a while, but on the way to school on the first day of spring, Evie said, "Yay!  It's the first day of spring!  The judge is going to say if I can go back to my mommy today!"  I told her that no, it wasn't going to be today.  I even told her that it wasn't going to be anytime soon (knowing that at minimum it will be mid-May).  Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I know that two months is an eternity for a five-year-old with no concept of time and didn't want her to get her hopes up for anything soon. 

Of course, at the last visit she had with family, her mom and grandmother told her that she would be coming home soon... and even said to the caseworker who was supervising the visit, "Right?  Ask Sunshine*.  She'll tell you you'll be home soon."  Sunshine didn't confirm this but Evie's mom has been telling her for the last TEN months that she will be home "real soon" so I can't imagine the turmoil that is going on in Evie's mind. 

For everyone's sake, I hope it is actually "real soon" in May.

* I haven't given Evie's caseworker a blog name before, but she truly is a ray of Sunshine - always positive, sweet, and smiling.  I got very lucky to have such a wonderful person be my first experience with a caseworker in the foster care system.

Bad Dreams

Yesterday Evie had a visit with her mom. 

Last night I heard her crying in her sleep before I went to bed. 

(Two weeks ago when she had a visit with mom, she was crying in her sleep that night, too.)

I walked in the room and roused her enough for her to open her eyes briefly, roll over, and go back to sleep.  And then I proceeded to cry.  For just a second.  Until the cat jumped on top of her and I had to shoo him away. 

This morning I asked her how she slept ("good") and if she had any dreams last night ("no").  And I looked up to the heavens and said a silent "thank you" that she didn't remember any of it. 

Get it together, mom, get it together.  Your child needs you.

Music Monday: The Rainbow Connection

 

This is one of the songs I sang to Tank (almost) every night when I was putting him to bed.  After he left, I decided that this would be only "his" lullaby; and that I would choose a new, unique lullaby song for any new little one.  Songs like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" and "Rockabye Baby" will be in the standard rotation, but each new one will get one song that is specific to him. 

One Year Ago Today...

I got a call saying that I was officially licensed as a foster parent. 

 

As you may recall, at that point, I got in line for the foster parent roller coaster, but it was still another seven-ish weeks before I actually got on the ride. 

 

What excitement I felt that day.  What a year.

Confusion

When Tank left, I was worried about how Evie would feel and what she would think about the fact that he came to me after she did and left before she did.  I was very careful how I worded things.  I told her that he was going to be with a relative - I made sure to specify that it was not his mom he was going to be with; but I also didn't want to say he was going with his aunt, because she has aunts, too... and didn't want her to think she could just go be with HER aunt. 

On Friday, TT's four-year old, G, was reunified with her mom.  Saturday morning we went to pick up TT to go out; when I told Evie where we were going, she said, "Yay!  I get to play with G!"  I told her G wasn't there, that she was with her mom now.  At first she said, "Awww, I'm going to miss G!"  And then... "I want to go back with MY mom." 

Poor thing.  This was definitely an aspect of foster care that I had never even thought about... how the kids would feel and the confusion they would experience when other kids came and went at different times than they did. 

Hairstyles

The first attempt at a different hairstyle

 

 

 Christmas hairdo

The Valentine's Day 'do

Free Hair - I haven't figured out what the best way to maintain the free hair.  Combing it every night takes a lot of time; but not combing it makes it too tangly at the end of the week.



Triangle box twists

Twist-out.  This only lasted a couple of days because of the high humidity here.

Playing a dance game on the Wii.  I didn't get an up-close photo of this hairstyle, but this was the first one that I kind of improvised.  I started with a base style from Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care; and modified just a little.

I may try the clover tomorrow for St. Patrick's Day.

Ten Months with Evie

Today marks ten months since Evie has been with me.  I still can't believe here I sit with a child that I thought would be with me for a month or two at most.  The longer and longer she is here, the more and more I think it's a possibility she may never go home.  Here's some of the struggles she is still having, and some great stuff she is doing:

• Since we have stopped the nightly phone calls, she has been referring to me as "Mom" or "Mommy" a lot.  Never when she is calling my name or trying to get my attention, but usually tacking it onto the end of a comment, like "Thank you, Mommy" or "Good night, Mom!"
• She also has continued to have a lot of crying since not talking to her mom every night.  Including some crying in the middle of the night for her mom and last night crying in her sleep saying she wanted her mom.
• There have been two instances when she has wanted to play a game, but I had already told her mom we would be calling, and we didn't have time to do both.  I have said to her, "Well, do you want to play a game or call your mom, because we don't have time for both" (thinking that this would be a no-brainer for her, expecting she would say "call mom" without hesitation).  Well, the first time there was hesitation, and then she finally said, "Play a game." I was floored, and talked her into calling mom, wondering how I was going to explain to mom the reason if we didn't call.  The second time, there was no hesitation and her decision was "Play a game."  Oh, no!  I again was able to talk her into calling mom the second time, but will not make the mistake of giving her the option again! 
• She's had two different times where she has thrown up her lunch at school, but felt totally fine afterwards.  School policy is that they have to go home if they throw up.  The first time, my dad picked her up and took her to get Burger King (just what a kid who just threw up her lunch needs), but she had no problem with it.  The doctor thinks it may be reflux (maybe also aggravated by anxiety/stress).  I wonder if it's possible that she has an ulcer.  I've been sending her lunch on days they have acidic-based foods for lunch, and we haven't had a problem in about a month.
• She told me that she didn't eat breakfast at home with her mom.  At first she said it was because her and her brother didn't want breakfast.  But when I casually pointed out that she is asking for breakfast oftentimes before I have even gotten out of bed, she said, "Actually, we did want breakfast; we just didn't get it."  Sad.
• I took her to get her hair trimmed last week.  She was obviously on edge, especially during the hair washing, as she was clinching her fists and visibly was jumpy and couldn't relax.  I realized that all the questions are mostly probably the result of anxiety, as she was asking question after question about what was going to happen and in what order.  It brought me back to the beginning when she was asking SOOO many questions.
• I have been working on different hairstyles.  (Separate post to come).  You would think that as I get more skilled at it, it would take me less time to do her hair.  However, that is not the case since: 1) The better I get, the more complicated hairstyles I pick, and 2) The better I get, the more OCD I am about how perfect it needs to be. 
• Evie can now tie her shoes!  There were two different times when she was supposed to be getting ready and had spent ten minutes or more "tying" her shoes (on mornings when we were on a time crunch to get out the door).  Really, it was just her arranging the laces in a pattern that looked like they were tied - until she got up and walked, that is.  I had brought home a wooden practice shoe so I could sit down with her and teach her, but didn't have a chance.  Then one night she told me she could tie her shoes.  When I asked her to show me, she actually could!  I asked her who taught her and she said, "No one.  I just watched [my teacher] tying everyone's shoes."  Sure enough, the teacher had not shown her!
• Evie is also in the higher end of her 4K class at school, as her teacher has chosen five students to be in a "reading" group.  She is doing great with her reading!  She now knows over 20 sight words, and can sound out some words to read simple books (like Hop on Pop) with help.  And she sounded out and spelled four different three-letter words independently in the car today!

I'm so proud of what she is doing! 

Conversations with Evie Today

We were talking about how one of Evie's friends is homeschooled - that her school is at her house and her mom is her teacher.  She said, "I want to go to school at home."  I said, "You can't because I have to go to work, and there would be no one to teach you." She responded with, "Someone could come and babysit me and do it.... Maybe Opa [my dad] can do it." 

I just hope that she doesn't talk her mom into actually homeschooling her when/if she goes home, or to having any family member do it.  The child had NO academic exposure when she came to me at 4 1/2 years old, so obviously her mom and/or family are not good teachers (or even teachers at all).  And from what I have observed, the intelligence level is not very high there. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the car today, Evie said, "Next week is the first day of spring.  Yay!  I get to be with my mommy on spring.  I'm so excited because it's almost time that I go back with my mommy!" 

 

She just had a visit with her mom today, so I wasn't sure what was said.  "Who told you that?"

 

"You said that."

 

Ummmm, "No, I didn't say that, sweetheart." 

 

"Yes, you did.  At Aunt C's house."  [I'm pretty sure the conversation she is referring to was when my aunt said she could come over and swim in her lake during the summer.  When Evie asked me if she could come swim in the lake in the summer, I believe I said, "I don't know if you're still going to be with me in the summer."]

 

"And my mommy said that one time on the phone, too."  [I do remember her mom saying something referencing a time frame for her going home; I think it was something like, "You'll be back home by the summer."... I think both mom's and my comments were made in January, when we thought she would be going home at the end of that month.  Even though mine was non-committal, obviously Evie did not hear it as such.  Ohhhh, goodness.]

 

I had to explain that we didn't know when she would be going home and that it was up to the judge to decide that. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 We also had a conversation today that we have had several times before.  Evie was saying that she wanted to marry her brother.  I said, "Remember, you can't marry people who are in your family."  Her response was, "Only my daddy can marry my mommy?"  [Her "daddy" is not her biological father, and he and her mom are not married.]  How do you explain to a five year old that marriage is what makes the daddy and mommy become family to each other, when her mom and dad aren't married but she knows they are all "family"?

Music Monday: I Am Beautiful

I stopped watching American Idol many many years ago.  But about a year and a half ago, I got free tickets from Big Brothers/Big Sisters to take my Little Sister to the AI concert.  At the time, I was at a place where I needed to hear that I was beautiful and wonderful, and it didn't matter what anyone else thought... and so when Candice Glover sang this song, it really struck a chord with me.  Recently, I have pulled out a playlist with this on it.  Evie has begun to sing along with it.  It brings such joy to my heart to hear my five-year-old in the back seat belting out, "I am beautiful and wonderful..." and I keep hoping that she will carry that message with her for the rest of her life. 

 

And then I listen to the rest of the words, where the singer is referencing someone who is putting her down and hurting her (probably meant to be a boyfriend in a bad relationship), and I think of how applicable this could be for most foster children.  (No matter all the crazy stuff that has happened with Evie's family, I have always believed that she was at least EMOTIONALLY well-cared for at her home.)  I hope that every child who I have in my care will come to believe that they are "beautiful and wonderful" and "it don't matter that [they're] not perfect"; that they are "worth every tear and every scar", and that they "deserve better things."  

 

 

You say I sound silly when I laugh real loud
Talk about my day and you tune me out
You keep telling me lies to make things worse
But I don’t hear you
‘Cause I’m listening to his words

And he says I am beautiful
And wonderful
It don’t matter that I’m not perfect
I am beautiful
I’m not alone
And in his eyes I’m so worth it
I’m worth every tear
And every scar
And even when you say I’m not
He says I’m beautiful

You say I’ll never be good enough
Knock me down
Won’t help me up
And you always say the right thing to make me hurt
But I don’t hear you
‘Cause I’m listening to his words

And he says I am beautiful
And wonderful
It don’t matter that I’m not perfect
I am beautiful
I’m not alone
And in his eyes I’m so worth it
I’m worth every tear
And every scar
And even when you say I’m not
He says I’m beautiful

And I deserve better things
He says he understands
I got to do whats right for me

And he says I am beautiful
And wonderful
It don’t matter that I’m not perfect
I am beautiful
I’m not alone
And in his eyes I’m so worth it
I’m worth every tear
And every scar
And even when you say I’m not
He says I’m beautiful
He says
He says
I’m beautiful
And I’m worth every tear
And every scar
And even when you say I’m not
He says I’m beautiful