The 100th Post - Nightly Phone Calls

Evie has talked to her mom every night at bedtime since she has been here.  There have been many times that it has been inconvenient.  And I sometimes have wondered if it's really good for Evie to talk every night and bring up raw emotions of missing her mom.  I definitely had gotten to the point months ago where I decided that I definitely would not make nightly phone calls the norm with the next child that is placed with me.  But that is what Evie is used to, and it wasn't really causing a problem (other than being somewhat inconvenient sometimes), so I was not going to change things on her. 

There have been a few times we have called in the car, or at someone else's house, because we weren't going to be home until late.  And even once or twice where Evie only wanted to talk a minute or two because she was really tired, or wanted to go play with a friend.  But it was never a problem. 

Then there was New Year's Eve.  We were at some friends' house for a party.  Evie pretty much got on the phone and said she wanted to go ahead and say her prayers and hang up, because she wanted to go back to play with the other kids.  Her mom got upset and started crying because Evie didn't want to talk.  Then her grandmother got on the phone and told Evie that she needed to talk to her mom because she never gets to see her, and that she had hurt mom's feelings and needed to apologize.  Then when mom got back on the phone, Evie got upset and started crying, saying that she wanted mom.  I nipped it in the bud and pretty much just hung up the phone before she got even more upset.  I found out the day after New Year's that the family had called the caseworker worried about Evie from that phone call, saying that there was cursing in the background (we weren't even in the same room as anyone else), Evie was the only child there (every couple there except one had a child), and that there was drinking and we were going to drive home (we were staying over at their house). 

I should have ended the nightly phone calls right then and there.  But I'm a soft-hearted person, and felt that it was really the grandmother that was stirring things up, so decided Evie could talk to only her mom and dad on the phone, and only if no one else was around.  I did decide that if we were ever out of routine again (not at home or not going to bed at a normal time), we just weren't going to call because it had just caused problems. 

Then there was another situation last weekend where I texted saying we wouldn't be calling because I wasn't going to be home by bedtime, and they started questioning who was staying at the house with her while I was out. 

I decided the routine was no longer going to be that we call every night, because calling every night meant that they were getting information EVERY NIGHT about what we were doing each day, and I felt like that information was starting to be used as ammunition against me.  I feel bad for Evie because she was so used to the routine of calling every night.  She has cried every day this week at school or daycare (always over something little, not specifically missing mom or not being able to call her).  And even though it looks very likely that Evie will go home after court next Friday, I just didn't want something to come up in that two weeks that was really going to damage me.