Asking for Help

I recently read this article entitled, "We Need to Stop Saying, 'Let Me Know if You Need Anything'." It talks about how instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything" when we know that someone needs something, we should just DO something instead.  The author also discusses how he didn't want to put people out by having them do menial tasks for him and his wife in their time of need. 

I can relate.  There are lots of things that I could use help with, but I'm not going to ask for help with most of them.  For me personally, part of the reason is I don't want to be rejected.  It doesn't bother me for someone to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, that time/task/etc just doesn't work for me" (partly because that person is probably going to follow up with, "But I can help at this other time/with this other task/etc.")  I DON'T want to hear a response with the undertones of, "Yes, I COULD do that, but it's just not something I'm comfortable with" or "Mmmmm, I just don't think so."  I'd rather just do it myself. 

I'm not going to ask for random help with little tasks (like those on my honey-do list for my dad when he said he was coming to my house for the day to do stuff), unless someone very specifically asks for me to give them a task.  And I'm only going to ask for help keeping the kids if I REALLY have something I want/need to be gone for. 

But being a single parent is HARD.  Being a single foster parent is even harder since there is no second parent to share in ANY of the responsibility, like take the child every other weekend or occasionally pick him up from daycare when I have to work late.  Single parents who have no second parent in their lives fall into the same boat. 

I'm still not really going to ask for help.  But here are some things that would be tremendously helpful to me.  If you know a single foster parent, they probably would be tremendously helpful to them, too. 
- Come hang out with the kid(s) for an hour while I go to the grocery store.
- Come to my house and do dishes, laundry, vacuum, or clean the bathroom.
- Ask what random task around the house needs to be done.  There is always something extra that I don't have time for, after the day-to-day tasks get done. 
- Invite my child for a playdate with yours, either with or without me.  I could use the alone time, but I also could use the adult interaction.
- Have the kid(s) stay at your house overnight on Friday or Saturday (or even come get them first thing in the morning and take them to your house) so that I can sleep in for a few hours.
- Bring us a meal that we just have to throw in the crockpot, or just heat up.  This is especially helpful in the first few weeks after we get a new placement.  Remember the overwhelmed feeling you got for the first month or two or three after you had a new baby, as you tried to find a new routine and get used to the personality of this new little being in your house?  Well that happens EVERY time we get a new placement.  That little being probably won't be here forever like your baby will be (and may only stick around a few weeks), but the adjustment period and the floundering to find a new routine that works for everyone is just as real and difficult.  I don't get home until at least 6:00 almost every night, and just have time to heat up leftovers, or get something out of the crockpot.  Sometimes I cook a casserole or something after the kids go to bed, so we can have it ready for the next night.
- Invite us over for dinner.

A lot of times, I think that, unlike many single parents, I CHOSE this path, and so I just have to handle it on my own.  Not only am I going to try to stop telling people, "Let me know if you need anything", I'm also going to try to actually ask for help more often.