Monday, June 19, 2017

Life is Hard Right Now

These two sure can be cute! 
Snack break in their matching swim trunks at the pool

Banging on my bedroom door

But in reality, THIS is a more accurate snapshot of what life is like right now:
Elmer sing-songing "pizza, pizza" on the way home from my friend's house because we had had pizza there for dinner... and PB screaming intermittently the entire twenty minute drive home. 

Overall PB cries and tantrums a lot throughout the day.  He does not like the car - he intermittently screams every minute or two on most car rides, and is usually pulling at the shoulder straps of the seat, or pulling at his shoes when he does so.  I think he was probably rarely in a car seat - whether that be because he never went anywhere in a car, or whether because he was in a car but not made to be in a seat. 

He has no words other than "mama," "ball," and "uh-oh."  (And I am not convinced that he hasn't picked up those last two words since he has been here.)  But even more importantly, his attempts at non-verbal communication are virtually non-existent.  For example, we were at brunch yesterday and I took a fork out of his hand.  Just to get it out of the way, not because he couldn't have it.  He did not resist my taking the fork... but he did turn around in his seat and start screaming and having a tantrum.  Obviously he wanted the fork. But he made no attempt to communicate that before having a tantrum.  Most kids would first resist the fork being taken, then reach for the fork, then maybe fuss about it, and finally have a tantrum if they were still not getting the fork back.  He just jumps right for a tantrum.  Maybe in the past that was the only way that he ever got anything.  Maybe he knew that if something got taken away, he was never going to get it back so he might as well have a meltdown. 

If PB doesn't get what he wants immediately, or if I provide any direction whatsoever, he screams and throws out, including at times jumping, throwing his head back (and hitting it on the floor if I don't protect his fall), head-banging, or throwing himself into a wall.

A lot of his screaming centers around food.  If he sees food and is not getting it (like when I am trying to put leftovers on a plate and heat them up for dinner), he screams.  Or if I give the boys a snack in the car, PB devours his quickly but then gets mad and screams when he sees Elmer still with food and doesn't have any.  I assume that he probably didn't get food regularly, so when it was available, you better eat it fast because you never knew when the next meal was coming.

I have tried to take them outside, but it is stressful for me and usually not safe.  PB will run away and think it is funny when I try to get him (even if I just walk casually over to where he is rather than chase him).  And he is FAST, so it is not ok to let him wander too far just to see how far he would go, and I do usually end up having to run after him by the time it is all said and done.  (He was taken into DSS custody because he was found wandering, so I really don't think he would care about where I was, and would just keep going without any regard for me.)  And then when I go to get PB, Elmer usually thinks it is funny to run in the opposite direction.  I live in a townhouse so there is no fence, so it is just not safe to have them outside when they do that. 

Bedtime is rough.  I used to be able to just put Elmer down and he goes right to sleep.  But PB does not self-soothe well, and screams off and on, while tossing and turning for usually 20-30 minutes, and usually ends up crying straight for several minutes and I have to go up and help him situate himself before he can go to sleep. 

And they fight!  But not just toddler fighting over toys.  PB is very aggressive - bites, pulls hair, and/or tackles to get the toy he wants.  (I am realizing Elmer is pretty aggressive, too, but not to that extent.)

PB has had upper respiratory congestion pretty much the whole time since he arrived, and has coughed so much in the night that he has thrown up at one point.  Other nights he has not been able to go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night, for up to 2 hours.  And the two have woken each other up at times (because of the coughing or otherwise).  Sleep has been hard to come by pretty much the entire last two weeks.

Things have already started to get a little better in some areas, and I'm hoping that as he is here longer, things will start to smooth out even more.   

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