My First Halloween

Elmer was placed into DSS custody within his first few days.  He was about two weeks old when Tigger left my home on October 13 of last year.  I did not have any foster placement between that date and when Elmer was discharged from the hospital and placed with me on November 12.  At the time, I was sad that he had been in the hospital, alone, other than a visit from the caseworker, who knows how often.  I wished that someone had told me about Elmer and that I could have visited with him in the hospital before I brought him home.  For four weeks, I was sitting at my house alone as well, without any foster placement or any major responsibility.  I could have been at the hospital, at least a few times a week, rocking that baby, and loving on him, and bringing him clothes and other things.  I know that the nurses really did love on him, but nothing's the same as a mommy's snuggles. 


But last year, I really didn't think about Halloween.  Halloween is one of my favorite times of year (second only to Christmas).  I have been to several different stores in the last month or so, and the Halloween attire always catches my eye.  And when I look at the infant clothes, much of it says "My First Halloween." And then when I think about the fact that I missed Elmer's first Halloween, I get teary-eyed in the middle of the Target clothing section.  I just want to scoop one up and scrawl the words "With My Mom" in a Sharpie marker underneath that "My First Halloween."  But then I think... it's not a forever situation at this point, so I keep walking past, knowing that I will never buy my baby a shirt that says "My First Halloween," full of sadness that I missed this milestone.