Friday, September 30, 2016

My First Halloween

Elmer was placed into DSS custody within his first few days.  He was about two weeks old when Tigger left my home on October 13 of last year.  I did not have any foster placement between that date and when Elmer was discharged from the hospital and placed with me on November 12.  At the time, I was sad that he had been in the hospital, alone, other than a visit from the caseworker, who knows how often.  I wished that someone had told me about Elmer and that I could have visited with him in the hospital before I brought him home.  For four weeks, I was sitting at my house alone as well, without any foster placement or any major responsibility.  I could have been at the hospital, at least a few times a week, rocking that baby, and loving on him, and bringing him clothes and other things.  I know that the nurses really did love on him, but nothing's the same as a mommy's snuggles. 


But last year, I really didn't think about Halloween.  Halloween is one of my favorite times of year (second only to Christmas).  I have been to several different stores in the last month or so, and the Halloween attire always catches my eye.  And when I look at the infant clothes, much of it says "My First Halloween." And then when I think about the fact that I missed Elmer's first Halloween, I get teary-eyed in the middle of the Target clothing section.  I just want to scoop one up and scrawl the words "With My Mom" in a Sharpie marker underneath that "My First Halloween."  But then I think... it's not a forever situation at this point, so I keep walking past, knowing that I will never buy my baby a shirt that says "My First Halloween," full of sadness that I missed this milestone.

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