Court

I am so far behind and have so many posts swimming around in my head (or on the draft table), but at least wanted to give an update of the Permanency Planning Trial. 

Last we left off, we were waiting on a court date for a repeat Permanency Planning Trial. That date was finally set for March 1st, and I planned to attend.  I typically do, but the last court date I was unable to go, and that was when weird things happened that no one could really explain.  Foster Care Review Board was also scheduled for the afternoon of March 1st so I pretty much just took the whole day off. 

We were the first case called.  Dad's lawyer was there, and apparently mom's lawyer had asked to be relieved from the case (the second lawyer that has done so).  But neither dad nor mom showed up.  (Seriously?!  If I were having a court hearing that concerned my child, I don't care how confident I was that things were going to go my way, or how convinced I was that things weren't.... whether I had a lawyer or not... my butt would be in that courtroom!)

The trial took all of five minutes, and the goal was changed to TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) only!  Now we are still waiting on a court date for a trial to actually determine if the rights are terminated. 

Foster Care Review Board also took all of about 10 minutes.  They presented the case, nothing really has changed, and they still recommended termination of parental rights.  (But remember, FCRB really has no weight in that decision, beyond what weight the judge wants to give it when he considers the case.)

And I found out later that mom had shown up for FCRB, but 30 minutes late, after everything was over.  I'm not sure why she showed up to that but not to court, but it's all part of "logic in my world and yours is totally different..." 

They Are So Inconsistent

Elmer had another visit with his parents on August 25th.  It was shocking that they visited TWICE in one month!  That weekend, his mom texted me, saying they had meant to send back diapers and wipes with him at the visit, and could we meet up at the park the next day for them to get them to us.  We actually had a busy day that day, so I told her I would touch base later in the week about possibly meeting up the next weekend. 


Not that I WANTED to meet up with his mom and/or dad.  But I knew that doing so would be best for everyone involved, in the end.  If I end up adopting him, it is good for them to see Elmer with me and see that he is happy and how much he loves me (and how much I love him).  And if, heaven forbid, he somehow ends up back with them, I need to see them with him and try to have some sort of relationship so I can maintain some sort of contact. 


So we ended up meeting up at the park on September 4th.  Elmer's mom, dad, and maternal grandmother were all there.  They were all very good with him.  I tried to stay far enough back where I could interact with the adults a little, but where Elmer would not really see me - because I knew he would want me if he did.  Which is exactly what happened when I walked over to look at his ear draining; but I was able to step back again and he was fine. 


We had somewhere else to be so had a reason to leave after about an hour.


And then the caseworker (JATH) told me they had a visit scheduled at the DSS office that Thursday, September 8th.  She came and picked him up and took him to the office, and then the parents didn't show up.  She said she followed through with the visit even though they had not confirmed the night before, because they had been consistent lately. 


And then there was another visit scheduled for today, and JATH said she would let me know yesterday if they had confirmed.  I assumed she would NOT come pick him up if there was no confirmation this time.  I never heard anything, and Elmer was never picked up for a visit. 


I'm pretty sure that the last two visits were not just scheduled by DSS where the mom may not have been aware or actually wanting them.  JATH had told me one time a while back that she was not setting up visits unless the mom requested them (every other week is standard for this county, unless the court orders more often).  So I'm pretty sure the mom initiated these visits, but then didn't follow through with a confirmation once the date actually came.  I'm just glad that Elmer didn't have to get in the car for an hour round-trip for a visit that didn't happen; and that he has no clue that his parents are flaking out on him. 

Is One Out of Three Acceptable?

I previously wrote about the start to the adoptions process in this post. I was able to attend the third day of "training" on the first Saturday of May.  (The first two days were already completed when I did my foster care training - this is a day specifically for adoptions, although most of what we went over I already knew from doing foster care.)  One of the discussions during the day was about the fact that when you adopt from foster care, you have to sign an agreement saying you will never use corporal punishment (including spanking) as a form of discipline for that child you adopt.  Although I signed a contract not to use corporal punishment for foster children, and although I don't think I would really use it much anyway as I feel there are many more effective forms of discipline, I was a little surprised to find out that this is dictated for a family even after an adoption has taken place.  The reason is that many of these children have endured physical trauma and/or abuse from their families in their lives, and corporal punishment is likely to trigger major issues for these kids.  But... it just seems that it might be something that no one could truly enforce once an adoption has happened. 


But I digress...


Then in June, Elmer's GAL (guardian ad litem) called saying that she needed to see him before court on the 17th; she gave me only a few days notice, so I had no choice but to have her go see him at daycare.  However, in seven months, she had not ONCE come to the house or seen me interact with Elmer.  I really wanted her to do that so that she could provide first-hand information about where Elmer should end up when it went to the adoptions committee to decide the adoptive family.  So we scheduled a visit for the following week. 


I was off all day on Wednesday, so I ended up scheduling a bunch of different things.  Elmer's adoptions worker (the one who no-showed or cancelled three times) was supposed to come at 9am, the GAL was supposed to come between 9 and 9:30, and the person completing my adoptions home study was supposed to come at 11am.  At 8:55am, the adoptions worker called and said she thought the appointment was at 9:30 and she would need to reschedule; I told her if she could be here by 9:30, to just come on.  I had planned all of these things for a day that I was off, and trying to find a different day that would work would be even harder than adjusting my schedule that day. 


She arrived at 9:30 and was gone by 9:45.  At this point, the GAL still hadn't arrived yet.  I called her to see if she was still planning on coming (as we hadn't set up an exact time), and she said she forgot about it because she had been out sick, but could be here in 20 minutes.  So we waited.  She as well was not here very long.  As soon as she left, I took Elmer to daycare so that I could get back for the adoptions home study.  She was the only of the three appointments that actually showed up on time. 


The adoptions home study was pretty much exactly the same as the foster care home study, except this lady asked a lot more questions that were not in the autobiography packet.  (I don't know if that was a difference between foster and adoption home studies, or just a difference in the two interviewers.)  I also had to ask the foster care home study examiner if she was going to look at the child's room; this adoption examiner asked to see practically every square inch of the house!  The laundry room, the backyard, the bathrooms, the linen closet, on and on. 


She also had to come back a second time as a formality (they said at the foster care home study that they usually come twice, but because I was single, they were able to complete everything they needed to in one visit).  She emailed me July 5th to let me know that she had submitted my home study to DSS that day.  From what I hear, it usually takes about a month for the state to give an answer about the license. 


As a reminder, this adoptions process is on a completely independent and separate timeline from the timeline of Elmer's case.  I actually had her complete the home study as a general one (not specifically for Elmer) so that it would still be valid if things do not end in adoption with Elmer.  (Separate post about Elmer's case coming.)