Little Update

Sunshine told me this week that Evie's mom has completed everything that she needs to.  Sunshine has requested a court date, but is unsure how backed up they are.  She said that she expects Evie's mom's lawyer to also request a date, and believes that it may get scheduled more quickly if that happens.  I would like to think that this case will be over soon, but we are back in the same exact spot we were four months ago - with a court date (almost) set, and DSS/Guardian ad litem recommending reunification.  At this point four months ago, I was feeling certain that Evie would be reunited three weeks later at that court date.  Today, I'm not feeling anything like that - I'm not counting on anything until the judge says those kids are going home. 

My First Mother's Day

My Mother's Day started out by Evie sleeping about 15 minutes past her "ok to wake" clock glowing, so I was able to be in bed until after 8!  Then we got up and got dressed, and TT came to pick us up for breakfast at a restaurant with her and Twin.  We had about a thirty minute wait when we got there but we were able to wait outside on the rocking chairs in a perfect temperature. 

We had debated going to the water park (but storms were threatening all day) or the indoor pool, but ended up settling on the sprinkler pad at the county park.  So we just came home, changed clothes, I switched out laundry, and we headed out while the rain was still holding out and before Twin got too cranky for a nap.  Both kids had a great time and pretty much entertained themselves, so we were able to chill for a while.  When we were leaving, TT said she was thinking about going to get ice cream and asked if I was up for that.  Ummm, I am always up for ice cream!  So we ended our Mother's Day festivities with frozen goodness. 

And then back to reality with laundry and cooking and fixing Evie's hair for the week! 

Tank's aunt texted me in the morning wishing me a Happy Mother's Day, which I thought was so sweet of her.  I actually had thought of her the night before with the reminder to myself that I wanted to make sure to send her a message. 

Evie had made Mother's Day booklets at school, and her sweet teacher made sure that she made one both for her mom and me. 

I was able to talk to my mom after Evie went to bed, and that is always enjoyable. 

I was surprised and thankful that so many of my friends included "foster moms" in their blanket Mother's Day wishes on Facebook and thought that maybe I had something to do with that.  If so, I was glad that I could open people's eyes to realize that there are so many DIFFERENT kinds of moms; and if not, I'm okay with that, too. 

I will admit that even though Evie has been with me for almost a year, I still don't REALLY feel like a mom.  Evie lets me know regularly in no uncertain terms that I am not her "real" mom (she actually has sometimes been calling her mom "my real mom" since she has started referring to me as "Mommy" occasionally).  Sunshine and the Guardian ad Litem both still feel that the children should (and will) be reunified with mom.  Maybe because of these things, I don't really feel a motherly bond with Evie, and I still feel kind of like I am babysitting her.  Nonetheless, I AM a mom and enjoyed my first Mother's Day.     

Time Will Tell

I'm not sure what exactly is going on.  I talked with Sunshine yesterday, and she said Mom has (supposedly) been doing what she was supposed to.  And that she will be going out to the house to make sure it is still acceptable.  She said she anticipates a court date in the next few weeks.  Or that there might not even be a court date - that "they" (I'm not exactly sure who the almighty "they" are) may just be able to all sign off on the order to return the kids home.  And that she would let me know when she knows more so I can start packing Evie's things. 

Talking to Sunshine, you would think Evie is certainly going home in the next few weeks.  Me?  I'm VERY skeptical.  Considering what happened the last time at the last minute before the kids were supposed to go home, I don't know that Mom has it in her to keep it together for long enough to get her kids back.  I also don't think that anyone needs to be making the decision to send them back home without a court date and a judge hearing the situation.  I'm certainly not packing much before a definite decision has been made (both because there's only so much that can be packed before Evie realizes something is going on and starts asking questions - she's very sharp; and because I don't want to waste my time OR get my hopes up that she will actually be reunified).

Do I think the kids should be reunified with Mom?  I can see both sides.  Emotionally, these kids NEED their mom, and I feel that she can meet their emotional needs.  It is very obvious that she loves Evie and J, and she is very attentive to them.  But there are almost certainly some mental health issues, and she has not been able to meet all of their physical needs in the past.  I guess I think Mom should be given another chance to parent her kids, with some VERY close monitoring for the next 6-12 months. 

Foster Care Review Board is this Wednesday, and I'm sure they will recommend termination again like they did six months ago.  And I'm sure Mom won't be there again (OFM said that is what Mom told her).  But I'm very curious what new information I will learn there.  There were so many things that came up last time that I had no clue about. 

And then only time will tell what the end result of this case will be. 

Waiting for the Mail

For just about every day for the last three weeks or so, I have walked to the mailbox and looked for something - an envelope from DSS with notice of a court date for Evie.  Her mom's 90 days after the last time she messed up is the end of this month.  And from what Sunshine has said, mom seems to be doing what she is supposed to do.  So I expected that mom's lawyer would request a court date sometime in May and that we would get notice of it sometime in April.  (As much as my brain KNOWS - from everything I have read and experienced - NOT to "expect" that anything will happen on any kind of timeline, I still do it anyway!)  So every day when I have opened the mailbox, I have expected to see a court notice.  And every day it has not been there.  One day last week, I got my hopes up as I grabbed the mail out of the box and saw an envelope with the DSS logo on it.  That was notice of the next Foster Care Review Board meeting, which will be next week.

So here we still sit in limbo-land... 

First Day of Spring

I meant to post this back on the first day of spring, March 20. 

I had this conversation with Evie the week before about how we didn't know when she would be going home because the judge had to decide that (after she had gotten in her head that she was going home in spring). 

I thought that was the end of it for a while, but on the way to school on the first day of spring, Evie said, "Yay!  It's the first day of spring!  The judge is going to say if I can go back to my mommy today!"  I told her that no, it wasn't going to be today.  I even told her that it wasn't going to be anytime soon (knowing that at minimum it will be mid-May).  Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I know that two months is an eternity for a five-year-old with no concept of time and didn't want her to get her hopes up for anything soon. 

Of course, at the last visit she had with family, her mom and grandmother told her that she would be coming home soon... and even said to the caseworker who was supervising the visit, "Right?  Ask Sunshine*.  She'll tell you you'll be home soon."  Sunshine didn't confirm this but Evie's mom has been telling her for the last TEN months that she will be home "real soon" so I can't imagine the turmoil that is going on in Evie's mind. 

For everyone's sake, I hope it is actually "real soon" in May.

* I haven't given Evie's caseworker a blog name before, but she truly is a ray of Sunshine - always positive, sweet, and smiling.  I got very lucky to have such a wonderful person be my first experience with a caseworker in the foster care system.

So Close

Court for Evie is this Friday.  Up until this week, it was looking fairly certain that the kids would go home at this court date. 

Then today.  Today the caseworker tells me that something else has been brought to light just yesterday.  So now it is looking fairly certain that the kids will NOT go home on Friday.  At best, it would be next week after things are cleared up.  Otherwise, it may be several months or more. 

Court should be interesting.

Status Quo

Court for Evie's case was today.  We were in the courtroom all of about five minutes.  Supposedly, the family member moved out (although they are there every night when we call on the phone).  DSS went to look at the house, and said it was "cleaned up" but still had a bad smell, and that the house needed to be inspected by a professional before it could be deemed safe for the kids to go back.  We will return to court in January with the results of this.  Evie's caseworker seems to think the house will not pass inspection.  So we are status quo for at least the next month; and if the house doesn't pass, quite possibly for the next many many months. 

A Tale of Two Caseworkers

One caseworker called me and talked to me within days of the child being placed.
The other I didn't actually speak with (other than voice mail-tag) until the child had been with me for six weeks.

One has given me her personal cell phone number, and calls me back within hours if she sees that she even has a missed call from me.
The other has only given me her office number so it is impossible to actually catch her; and it is always 1-2 days before she calls back, if she calls back at all.

I had monthly home visits scheduled with each of them last Friday.
One texted me to ask me the best time to schedule the visit.
The other emailed me to tell me what time the visit would be.

One told me she had checked with her supervisor and the child actually had to be there at the time of the visit, so we scheduled a time after school when the child could be there.
The other said I could go ahead and take the child to daycare because he didn't actually have to be there for the home visit.

One showed up exactly on time.
The other moved the time back by 30 minutes the day before, and then called at the last minute to cancel the visit because she just couldn't break away from the office.

One told me the visit had to be in my HOME, and that seeing each other at the daycare when she is bringing the child back from a parent visit doesn't count as the monthly home visit. 
The other told me that since she had already seen the child twice at daycare, that could count as the monthly visit. 


What made me realize the stark differences was the fact that I had visits with both of them on the same day, and the whole process and outcome was so different between the two of them.  I'm not saying that all of those differences are bad; and I don't know if one of them is better at her job overall than the other, but it sure seems that way from here.