Music Monday: The Wood Song

The Wood Song by Indigo Girls

 

This is a song by my favorite band.  It is from the album Swamp Ophelia, which was released in 1994, at just about the height of my Indigo Girls fandom.  I don't think I realized it at the time (I was just starting college), but at some point I figured out that this was my lifesong.  It still is.  EVERY TIME I hear this song, I feel more at peace.  I LOVE this song.  It's always kind of been my encouragement that at some point I will get to the other side and the "prize" (husband? kids? something else that I can't even imagine at this point?) will make the whole journey worth it.  Encouragement that if one is living life fully, there will be heartbreak and sadness.... but that at the end it will be clear how everything fits in to the "tricky plan."  Maybe at some point this won't be my lifesong anymore.  Or maybe even if I get to "the other side", I will only love the song even more because it will make me appreciate where I came from.  The prize is always worth the rocky ride...


The thin horizon of a plan is almost clear
My friends and I have had a tough time
Bruising our brains hard up against change
All the old dogs and the magician

Now I see we're in the boat in two-by-two's
Only the heart that we have for a tool we could use
And the very close quarters are hard to get used to
Love weighs the hull down with its weight

But the wood is tired, and the wood is old
And we'll make it fine, if the weather holds
But if the weather holds, we'll have missed the point
That's where I need to go

No way construction of this tricky plan
Was built by other than a greater hand
With a love that passes all our understanding
Watching closely over the journey

Yeah, but what it takes to cross the great divide
Seems more than all the courage I can muster up inside
But we get to have some answers when we reach the other side
The prize is always worth the rocky ride
But the wood is tired, and the wood is old
And we'll make it fine, if the weather holds
But if the weather holds, we'll have missed the point
That's where I need to go

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look
Skip to the final chapter of the book
And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took
To get us where we are this far, this far

But the question drowns in its futility
Even I have got to laugh at me
No one gets to miss the storm of what will be
Just holding on for the ride
But the wood is tired, and the wood is old
And we'll make it fine, if the weather holds
But if the weather holds, we'll have missed the point
That's where I need to go

Visit with Tank

I went to Tank's aunt's house today to visit with him and take a bag of his things that I still had.  She lives about a 45-minute drive from me, so I left Evie with a friend.  He was just waking up from a nap when I got there, and his aunt picked him up from his crib and tried to hand him to me directly.  But he kept turning away for her to hold him.  He WAS looking at me, though, when I was talking, with a look that said, "I think I might know that voice..."  After we got down on the floor and started playing, he warmed up quickly and snuggled and played with me. 

Baby Boy is standing by himself now!  A couple of times he pulled up on my leg while I was sitting on the floor, and then let go and stood about five or more seconds.  And he has gotten two new teeth on the top.

His aunt was very sweet, and thanked me for taking care of him when he needed me... which made me tear up a little.  She is married with an 18- and 14-year old.  She said that she is thinking about becoming a regular foster parent (to teenagers!) once he goes back to his mom (which she says looks like it will be around his first birthday in April). 

When he left my house, I wrote a letter to him and sent it with his stuff.  I also included some pictures for his mom.  Aunt said that she gave the mom the pictures, but that she kept the letter I had written to him, and that she would keep up with it (because she didn't think mom would) and would give it to him when he got older. 

I miss that little guy like crazy, but it makes my heart smile that he is being loved on and well cared-for!

Valentine's Day Hairdo

I'm really proud of this one!  Rockin' out another 'do from Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care!

 

 

Tax Woes

Well, it has happened to me. 

I filed my taxes yesterday and crossed my fingers that Evie's mom had not claimed her first.  (Since she has been with me more than six months of the year, I am the one who can claim her on my taxes.)

And then I got a message today from my tax preparer that the return had been kicked back because someone had already claimed Evie.  Great.

I should have known because on January 29, Evie's mom FINALLY got a cell phone of her own (she has been using her mom's for the last three months); and a few days later she told Evie she had bought her a Frozen bed set she had been asking for, as well as a Frozen bookbag.  Now she's going to have to pay the money back to the IRS... and I'm sure every penny of it is already spent. 

Now I begin the process of gathering documentation to prove that I am actually the one eligible to claim her.  Ugghhh.

Court

Court that was supposed to be tomorrow is continued.  (For those not familiar with the foster care system, that basically means that they are not having it at this time and that it will be rescheduled.)  This court date was basically an interim date anyway, after court in December, to reconvene and determine the results of the home inspection and if the kids could go home.  But in light of the issue that surfaced this week, the kids are not going home right now so court would just be a waste of time.  I would expect the next court date to be scheduled no less than eight weeks from now. 

So Close

Court for Evie is this Friday.  Up until this week, it was looking fairly certain that the kids would go home at this court date. 

Then today.  Today the caseworker tells me that something else has been brought to light just yesterday.  So now it is looking fairly certain that the kids will NOT go home on Friday.  At best, it would be next week after things are cleared up.  Otherwise, it may be several months or more. 

Court should be interesting.

Dear Tank

Dear Tank,

The days leading up to you leaving me, and the day I had to let you go, were torture.  But your aunt called me the day after you left to let me know how you were, and then again a few days later to let me know that your surgery went well.  And I think because of that, the days since you left haven't been nearly as hard as I imagined they would be. 

But I still miss you.

I miss the sweet smile that was constantly on your face.

I miss the way you would open and close your fists, and flex and extend your feet, when you were excited or happy.

I miss your chubby little big wrists and ankles.

I miss the way you would grab my face and bump your forehead against mine and then laugh.

I miss hearing your sweet babble when you woke up in the mornings.

I miss all of your tickle spots - pretty much every inch of your body, but especially your collarbones and your belly.

I miss singing you "The Rainbow Connection" at bedtime. 

I miss your viral-video-worthy laugh when Evie would sing to you.

I miss the way you would light up when I walked into daycare to pick you up, even when you were sick.

I miss how you would dance on your knees while playing your little piano.

I miss how excited you would get when you saw the cat, or any dog.

I miss how you could hold your own bottle, but would let go as soon as I touched it, especially at night.

I miss how you would snuggle into my chest to go to sleep.

I miss how cute you looked in your little monkey or dog matching hat/glove sets.

I miss your infectious laugh and sweet constant smile.

I miss you.

As I write this and tear up, I realize that maybe it hasn't been so hard because I've tried not to think about all these things. 

I have a bag of your stuff that I found after you left, so I hope that I can get to see you soon to give it to you. 

But mostly I hope with everything in me that you are happy and thriving and being loved and snuggled just as much as you were here. 

Love you always,
Mama A