Then It Happened to Me

I have read many blog posts about people's opinions about this comment from others about why foster parenting is not for them: "I would get too attached."  The essence of those posts is always that the writer feels the implication is that THEY don't get attached. 

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, so when I read those posts, I would always think, "I know that other person's intention was NOT to imply that the foster parent is heartless and cold and can just let the kids go easily when it is time for them to move out of the foster home... and the writer really shouldn't take it so personally that that's what the comment means."

And then it happened to me. 

An acquaintance had met Tigger a couple of times.  The next time I saw her without the baby, she said, "I just couldn't do it.  I am one of those people who gets really attached."  And then I took it as an implication that I DON'T get attached.  My response: "Well, I get attached, too." 

Now I understand.  Now I know that even if the conscious brain may know that the comment doesn't imply that the foster parent doesn't have a heart, the Mama Bear heart still takes it that way. 

How Long?

There's a question I get all the time when I get a new placement: "How long will you have them?"

It's kind of an annoying question because almost 100% of the time, the answer is, "I really don't know." 

And when I think I have a clue, that often turns out to be not right anyway.  I thought Evie would be here a couple of weeks or maybe a month at most; she was here over thirteen months.  They said Tank would probably be going to relatives "in a couple of weeks" after I got him; he stayed four months.  They told me Tigger had no relatives that could step up and care for him and that mom's treatment plan would be at least six months; now they are doing home studies on both his aunt and neighbor so it is likely he won't be here much more than another month. 

There's no suggestion I have as to a better question to ask because I know that the question is in the forefront of people's minds.  It's actually in the forefront of mine, but unfortunately uncertainty and unexpected changes are the name of the game in foster care.  I guess I just need to get more comfortable with saying, "I don't know" and leaving it at that when I get asked the question, "How long will you have them?"

That Comment

I have read about many people getting "that comment" about being a foster parent. 

Even before I have become licensed, I also have gotten "that comment" many times myself already.

"Isn't it going to be too hard to let them go?  I could never do that."

Here's one foster mom's response to the question.  I like it.  Part of what she says is, "I am not afraid to grieve.  I am afraid of what would happen to these children if no one took the risk to love them." But you should read the whole thing.