So Much About Sierra

Well, I have fallen off the blog wagon again...Sierra has been here for almost seven months now, and I haven't really written about her.
Sierra was finally able to come home on February 22, after I initially received the placement call on February 5, thinking she would be released on Feb 7 or 8.  Thankfully I was able to go visit with her periodically during that 2 1/2 weeks.

Her sleeping has always been difficult.  Initially she was in my room in a bassinet because I didn't want her waking Elmer in the middle of the night, but I quickly moved her to another room because she kept me up pretty much all night.  She would grunt and lightly/briefly fuss and move, often making me think that she was waking up and wanting to eat.  I soon realized that she was just a very restless sleeper and I couldn't sleep well with that.  Now at eight months, she continues to wake 1-3 times a night for comfort; and to eat somewhere between 3:15 and 5:30.

She also has had some eating issues.  Initially something was definitely not typical with her eating. She would not continue eating a bottle consistently - would stop often and would seem to struggle at times. If she was eating well and I would stop to burp her, then she would have lost interest when I tried to feed her again.  Sometimes she would only eat two ounces at once.
She had RSV shortly after coming to me, which affected her desire to eat as well.  The doctor was concerned about her weight gain, so I had to take her in for a weight check a few weeks after her two month checkup.  (Now she is probably 20 pounds and has sumo thighs - no concern about weight now!)
When I tried to start cereal at around 4 1/2 months, she gagged on it.  I pursued because some babies have a hard time at first, but she never got it.  Then I tried squash and bananas, and she gagged on those, too.  I talked with my friend who is a feeding therapist and she gave me some suggestions to have her gnaw on carrot sticks, celery sticks, and/or hard pizza crust to bring her gag reflex farther back in her mouth.  From there, I basically took a path of using baby-led weaning, and Sierra quickly began eating most table foods (except some fruits).  Now she eats better than Elmer some nights!

She has had many ear infections, and finally got ear tubes a few weeks ago.  They are still draining so I think she still has some pain with them, which may be at least part of the reason she still wakes in the night.  (She also has four teeth now, so I think teething is some of the reason, too).

She has met her milestones ahead of schedule - she rolled back to stomach at almost 4 months, got up on hands and knees at almost 6 months, started crawling at 7 1/2 months and is now pulling up to standing at everything.  She went to the NICU follow-up clinic when she was 5 months old and they had no concerns except the possible feeding issues.

Currently she is a very happy baby.  She pretty much never cries if she is being held.  (Of course, I can't hold her just anytime she wants to since I have a 2 year old to take care of, too!)  She thinks Elmer is the best and just laughs with him!  Recently he has started "wrestling" with her - sometimes I think it's too rough and try to tell him to be gentle, but she is pretty much telling him it's okay because she is cracking up, so my words don't sink in.

We have had some legal steps happen, but I think this is enough for one post, so I will make another post about all those things!  Also things happening with Elmer which I need to post about!

Soul Brothers

PB still goes to the same daycare that he did when he was with me, the same one Elmer still goes to as well. 

I stand at the daycare and watch Elmer and PB hugging each other.  And although they may not remember that they lived in the same home for three months, I think their souls remember that they were once brothers.

1000 Days

As of today, Elmer has been in foster care for one thousand days.  That is entirely too long.  Especially for a case where the courts agreed to "forego all reasonable efforts" at just over 100 days in.

TPR trial was April 30th.  Mom tried to get it delayed by not showing up but her lawyer told her if she wanted to have any defense at all, she needed to get to the courthouse by the time her case was called. 

There are several cases scheduled for the same time and while the second was being heard, I was sitting in a pretty much empty lobby with only the caseworker and mom's lawyer.  I heard the phone conversation, in which mom's lawyer pretty much told her that she had no case.

"I'm a good lawyer, ma'am, but I'm not THAT good!"  

(When mom asked if there was anything she could do to get the case heard another day)… "I could go in there and tell the judge that you are on the phone crying, but that's going to go over like a fart in church!"

"You haven't DONE anything."

(When they asked about grandparents' rights so that the grandmother could get him)… "Ma'am, in South Carolina there are no grandparents' rights."

"He is in a stable home where he has been for the last 2 1/2 years and they want to adopt him."

"Your rights are going to be terminated today."

I mean, if your own lawyer is not even on your side, you obviously have absolutely no case.

Mom ended up showing up, got on the stand, and said she didn't feel she was currently in a state to be his parent but wanted her mom to have custody of him until she could get her life back together. 

Grandmother had been asked about taking Elmer back in January 2016 but declined to do so at that time.  DSS lawyer asked Grandmother when she got on the stand how often she has visited with Elmer.  She said she has been to visits "a few times." 

With very few people on the stand and very few questions during the trial, the judge ruled that rights would be terminated.  That by both the mother's and grandmother's own admissions, the mom is not able to be a parent right now.  That if she had not gotten herself together in the last 2 1/2 years, she was not likely to do so.  That it is not about what the mother wants or the grandmother wants, but what is in the best interest of the CHILD - and moving him from the only home he has ever known to a relative that he has only seen a "few" times would definitely not be in his best interest.  

So then we waited until the judge FINALLY got the TPR order signed about 2 weeks ago.  And now we wait 30 days after that to see if the parents will appeal.  I doubt that dad will... and I am hoping that mom won't, but expecting that she will...

I know that I have A LOT of catching up to do here.  One day I'll sit down to write more... Sierra is still here so life is definitely crazy busy!

Sierra

sierra.  (see-er-uh)  n.  1. a chain of hills or mountains, the peaks of which suggest the teeth of a saw.

Synonyms: bluff, cliff, elevation, peak, pile, ridge.

On the same day when I experienced a low on the foster care roller coaster (Elmer's TPR trial being continued), I also experienced a peak when I was called for a baby girl.  So Baby Girl's blog name will be Sierra.

Sierra is still in the hospital.  They anticipated discharge last Thursday or Friday, but things changed.  I have been able to go several days and snuggle with her.  She is such a sweet baby with squishy cheeks!  I saw her today, and unfortunately right now she is progressing backwards instead of forwards.  So it doesn't look like she will be released this week, either.  Hopefully she will get back on the upswing soon and can come home early next week, but the doctors say she is not really following any protocol so it is pretty much impossible to predict when her discharge will be.  Pray for Sierra to start making improvements and move her way out of the hospital!

Highs and Lows

I had been waiting for a TPR Trial since our last court date on September 15th. 

And I had been waiting specifically for it to be yesterday for the last two months.

During that time, I have been anticipating that the ruling would be "Termination of Parental Rights."  And for the last several weeks, every time I have thought about that, I have gotten sad.  I want nothing more than for this little boy to be mine forever.  But it makes me terribly sad that his parents' rights have to be taken away from them in order for that to happen.  I'm not saying that is not what SHOULD happen, because neither of them has shown any capability to be a safe and successful parent, either before Elmer was born or since then.  But the overwhelming emotion for me in recent weeks when thinking about Elmer's TPR has been sadness - both for his parents and for his loss of his biological parents.

{During that time, I also have been anticipating that at least Bio Mom will appeal the TPR ruling.}

So when I walked into the courtroom yesterday morning, listened to the DSS attorney say that the case was being continued because the parents' lawyers were not served in the required time frame, and walked out less than three minutes later with no progress made on this case, the sadness rushed over me for an entirely different reason.

I am sure that we won't have a new trial until at least April or May.  I am so ready for this baby to have permanency and to know that he is never leaving.  And there is NO EXCUSE for the lawyers not to be served.  Parents, sometimes you can't find them to serve them.  Lawyers not being served, someone just didn't do their job.

So I went back to work after a nice big ice cream sundae, and less than two hours later got a call asking if I was interested in taking placement of a four-week old baby girl when she is released from the hospital later this week.  I told the worker I would call her back in 10 minutes after I determined if I could figure out childcare until she could go to daycare at 6 weeks.  When I figured out that I would only need help for next week because she will be six weeks old by the following week, I called the worker back and told her "Yes!"

Now we are in a holding pattern to see when she will actually be released, I have told Elmer that a baby is coming, and I am waiting to hold a sweet baby girl in my arms.

Christmas letters

Every year, I write a letter summarizing my year to include with my Christmas cards.  As I was packing away my Christmas decorations, I came across the letter from last year.

"Elmer is still with me and is now almost 15 months old.  I am hoping to be able to adopt him.  Right now, we are waiting on the legal department to file for a court date for TPR (termination of parental rights) trial."

A year later, here is what my 2017 Christmas letter says.

"In terms of Elmer's status in foster care, a trial date for Termination of Parental Rights is set for February 5th. I feel fairly confident their rights will be terminated, but then the parents will have the right to appeal that decision, and it wouldn't surprise me if they did.  All my paperwork and approval has already been completed for me to adopt him, and I am hoping that will happen in 2018! (If the parents appeal, that probably won't happen, so all fingers/toes crossed that they don't appeal!)"

Has time just stood still for the last twelve months?!

TPR Trial Court Date, Take 2

Eight months ago, I posted that Elmer's TPR trial date was set for June 16th, 2017.

I had misunderstood at the time, and that date was actually for a TPR hearing.

Which then got "continued" until September 15th.

Which then the parents contested DSS's recommendation to terminate their parental rights. And Bio Mom requested the next court date be set for 3-6 months out so she could go to rehab, a request which the judge very quickly denied.

And here I am again posting that we have a TPR trial date set for February 5, 2018.  Almost five months from the last time we were in court, when the judge denied mom's request to delay trial for 3-6 months.

Neither bio parent has walked a straight and narrow path during the time Elmer has been in foster care, and both have made some poor decisions in the recent past.  So I am fairly certain the judge will rule that their rights will be terminated.  But then the parents have 30 days to appeal that ruling.  (And it is actually 30 days after the judge signs the paperwork, which is not always the day of court).  THAT is where the uncertainty comes in for me - I think there is at least a 50% chance that at least one parent will appeal.  I'm just hoping they don't and this child can get some permanency before his third birthday.